The Book of Neo

Prologue: Assemble, NeoVimmers!

Hail, all ye that can see and hear! The NeoLORD¹ hath spoken to me upon Mount Joy², and hath given me instructions for all to follow, lest they be slaughtered by proprietors and condemned forever to the unfree software of their fellow slaves’ toils. The future does not need us³; let us heed these commands written upon this buffer and treat our present days with the dignity they deserve.

The Zen Commandments

Thus saith the NeoLORD:

1. Thou shalt abide by the philosophy of my right hand⁴: “Thou shalt do one thing, and do it well.” The $EDITOR is a craft, created to create. It is the crafter of crafters. Do not fall into the traps of the cursèd devil which shall not be named, and do more than is intended. I am the NeoLORD.
2. Thou shalt not use editors other than the venerable Neovim; for I the NeoLORD am a jealous God, and will destroy all that create with no regard to their true creator. I am the NeoLORD.
3. Thou shalt abstain from usage of VimScript in favor of Lua. The venerable VimScript will be kept alive, since he is still useful, but beware; old wineskins will break eventually. I am the NeoLORD.
4. Thou shalt make the fullest use of the tools that the NeoLORD has graciously provided to you. Give LSP and Treesitter their due homage. I am the NeoLORD.
5. Honor plugin maintainers with the utmost respect. They are not subject to your fleeting whims, and are free to do as they please with the fruits of their labor. Must a conflict arise, thou shalt resolve thy disagreements through civil discussion. Take care, and wield the mighty fork⁵ with caution. I am the NeoLORD.
6. Beware the temptresses of useless plugins. Do not let them sour your desire to create. I am the NeoLORD.
7. Thou shalt respect Vim and its contributions to the world, and upstream any applicable patches, for the spirit of Bram shall live forever and ever. I am the NeoLORD.
8. Thou shalt not act in sloth, lest you perish in the bottomless pits of the lazy Inferno⁶. The NeoLORD your God is not a lazy⁷God; thou shalt instead weave thy configurations by hand. For the lazy folk are unable to partake in the NeoLORD’s wisdom, and their fingers will rot from confusion. I am the NeoLORD.
9. Thou shalt not blaspheme against the spirit of modality, for whoever disowns the other modes in favor of insert-only mode shall never be forgiven until they repent of their ways.
10. Do not distress over the transgressions of the ignorant, for everyone is a sinner in the NeoLORD’s presence. Instead, lead them towards repentance and the narrow gate of change. I am the NeoLORD.

The Simpleton’s Zen Commandments

To all Neovim programmers: follow these commands.

1. Do one thing, and do it well. Don’t be like Emacs.
2. Don’t use editors other than Neovim, or else.
3. Use Lua rather than VimScript.
4. Use the native LSP and Treesitter functionality.
5. Don’t be an asshole to plugin maintainers. If you don’t like what they’re doing, or they don’t do what you want, fork the damn thing and do it yourself if you must.
6. Don’t add more plugins than you need to. It’s easy to fall into config hell.
7. Upstream any patches that are in Neovim core to Vim if possible. Both editors are great. One is just better.
8. Don’t use Neovim distributions like LazyVim if you want to learn Neovim functionality properly. Make your configurations yourself.
9. Use the modes to your advantage! Normal mode and visual mode are much more powerful than you give them credit for.
10. Lots of people don’t use Neovim. It’s fine, you didn’t know what Neovim was for a while either. Spread the good news and tell them to use it too!

Epilogue

This is just a joke that my friends and I wrote in a Discord voice call. Don’t take it too seriously.

If you want to see more content like this, send me a message! I’d love to hear more ideas for niche, satirical content. Maybe the NeoLORD’s commission is in need of writing.